Yeay! today is Talk Like A Pirate Day! Now I can tell Pirate jokes all day…
Q. What is a pirate’s favorite television show?
A. The ARRRsenio Hall Show!
Q. What is a pirate’s favorite pair of socks?
Q. What did Captain Hook die from?
A. Jock itch.
Q. What is a pirate’s favorite dessert?
A. Chips A-Hoy!
Q. What did the pirate call his dog?
Q. How does a pirate say “thank you” in Japanese?
Q. Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?
A. Because it was rated aarrrrrrrrrahhhhh.
A soldier meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The soldier notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch.
“How did you end up with a peg leg?” he asks.
The pirate replies, “I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” says the soldier. “What about your hook?”
“Well,” answers the pirate, “we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand.”
“Incredible. How’d you get the eye patch?”
“A grapefruit squirted in my eye,” the pirate replies.
“You lost your eye to grapefruit juice?”
“Well,” says the pirate, “it was my first day with the new hook.”