Posts from the ‘confession wednesday’ Category

I love Oreo cookies

This is not to be confused with other posts (that I cannot be bothered to link to right now) about candy, cookies or other things I like to eat. This is just about Oreo cookies.

Last night while shopping for toilet paper I saw Oreos were on sale. The question was, do I get Double Stuff, Regular or whatever else they were selling…? Regular. I donno about you, when when I shop for toilet paper I always think about food. Right. I know you do too.

Anyway. I bought a bag of Oreos…then kinda didn’t think about them until I was about to get into bed. Then I was like “Oooh I have Oreos in here!” so as I am standing in my room, in my pjs (right) I opened up the bag of Oreos.

I only ate two. Then I went to bed. Now all day all I wanted to do was eat one freaking Oreo!!

I have a space heater

I loathe people with space heaters in their office (or cubicle). Loathe them. Why? Space heaters are serious fire hazards and considering I always work with the people that can’t even to remember to turn off their lights in their office…it’s scary when you walk in on a weekend and notice that someone left their heater on for most of the weekend.

I also loathe the power consumption. Granted I am not paying the electrical bill; however, it’s more economical and environmentally friendly to recalibrate the heating system -than say, have every single person own a space heater. I want to scream at the people who must have a space heater on during the summer because the air conditioner makes it too cold.

For the past few years I have gotten quite mad with some of the older guys that work in my hall. You see, they turn down the heat and mess up the whole system. I constantly have to adjust my vent in my office or check the thermostat while they are too lazy to close their vent. I go from sweating when I wear short sleeves to shivering when I wear a turtleneck. Last month I couldn’t take it anymore and I stole the extra space heater out of a recently emptied office.

Now I am one of the people I hate. I have a space heater under my desk because I am freezing cold. I am wearing a turtleneck today. I hate people. :)

I like movies

I own about 60 DVDs…all movies I have seen at least once and a few VHS tapes with one movie having been watched over 30 times (I stopped counting). I go to the movies all the time, I get pissy with my friends when they change plans and we miss a movie when it’s at the theater. Other times I get pissy if there is a movie at the theater that I know will be just as good on TV at home.

I don’t know what it is, but damn do I love movies.

Walking through Blockbuster this week and for the past two months I realized that I have seen more movies (old and new) then anyone else I know. What’s worse? I can tell you a huge chunk of the story. So if you are ever bored and don’t really want to see a movie, but you want to know what it’s about, come over and we’ll go to the rental store and I’ll just start giving you the abridged (Cliff Notes anyone) version of the movie.

I wonder if I could get paid to do that?

I like being single

I really enjoy being single. I have less bologna to deal with. I have less drama to deal with. I like sitting at home alone. I like calling friends to go to weddings. I like asking friends to go to movies. I like having no one special. No really. Did I ever tell you people annoy me? Well lemme back up a minute here.

Yesterday I was finally catching up on my reading and I cam across a post from Thérèse @ Shoeism. It’s where you want to be. Let’s just say it starts off by saying:

“Yeah, I heard you were still single. You are, aren’t you? Why?”

Need I say more?

So my rant is about the life of a single person. I know a lot of single people that like being single. Sure they want to find someone, sure they like relationships…they just haven’t found the right person yet. What totally amuses me is the people I know that are in relationships that ask single people these silly questions. I mean, you were single once too right? Did you like it when people asked you about being single all the time? No. So why in the hell are you asking us?!

I’ll tell you why: because you are insane. I’m not a complete cynical bastard when it comes to love and relationships; however, I’m not scared to say the obvious: relationships are poison.

I know some people go from crying about how their friends don’t hang out with them anymore because they spend all their time with there significant other…then when they meet someone they do the same thing. Personally, I laugh at those friends; because they are crazy too.

I know some people who go from talking about how terrible their life is now that they are married, to asking their friends when they are going to get married. Do you think I even want to think about getting married or talking to you about it once you told me how terrible your life is? I think not.

It doesn’t stop there.

So now you have a wonderful relationship. You get married. What happens now? People want to know when you are having kids. They won’t shut up about it…kids kids kids. they talk about how there is nothing better then being a parent. Five seconds later they are screaming at their kids on the phone for getting arrested for the 3rd time and talking about how they will kill them when they get home.

So for now: I like being single.

I get to have the same daily misery that those in relationships have, but I don’t have anyone to nag with questions. Although, I wouldn’t mind asking people “Hey Bill! You still married? You need to get a divorce!” or “Hey Sue! Did you kill little Joey yet? You need to get rid of that kid!” Would I do that? NO! It’s f**king rude! Just like the nosey questions people ask single folks.

If you are one of those people that asks questions, stop and think about how much you didn’t enjoy it when you were single. Besides, in some cases we really do have the better life. :P

Disclaimer: There is excessive sarcasm all over this mess of a blog. If you can’t see it or you’re offended, please go home. I’m actually in a great mood today…contrary to what you might think.

I believe in Santa Clause

When I was quite young I believed in Santa Claus, but my curious mind brought forward the truth: my parents put presents under the tree -a plump man in a red suit was not breaking into our house…and my brother and sister fought over who ate the pie/cookies/cake I left out for him [Santa]. I asked my mom once how I took it when my parents told me that they were forging Santa’s name…she told me that they never had to tell me, it was just something I figured out on my own; but I did seem a little bummed out.

Many years later my family would still tease one another with presents marked “From: Santa” so we wouldn’t get scolded for getting each other too much. An innocent lie to say such a jolly old man dropped off the gift, it really wasn’t me! :) Secretly, I would still wonder.

Like my nephew writing to Santa, I too want to ask him questions. I too want to help! I just don’t know where I should write to. Santa isn’t a religious figure to me…he’s just a friendly guy that likes to make people smile; and I think he’s real. He has to be real! He’s brought me so many presents over the years, in forms of family, friends and even ideas. He’s been there to remind me about Christmas cheer..to not get mad when I have to park 8 miles from the mall during the holidays. He’s been there, laughing in my ear…and always making sure I find the Christmas cookies in the office -the ones I like best!

I have a crazy imagination and I still can’t help but wonder if there really is a Santa Claus. I think in spirit there will always be a Santa in my head. Whether it’s the child inside me or my last bit of hope, believing that there really is some magic left from a time long since past. After all, the US government tracks his flight, and they have been for 55 years! They wouldn’t spend tax dollars on imaginary man…I say he’s real.

Happy Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa…Happy Holidays, may the sprit of joy and happiness be with you all this season.

I like jokes

So I have been known to play a few mild pranks on my friends and family, but after reading Thérèse’s post I was instantly reminded of one of the better pranks I pulled in college.

One day I changed our (I had one roommate at the time) room voicemail to this:

*fumbled with the phone*
(groggy) Hello…?
*pause*
Hey…how’s it going?
*pause*
I’m sorry, who did you say you were looking for?
*pause*
Hang on…
*pause*
Yea I think he’s in the shower…
*pause*
Why don’t you leave a message at the beep?
*BEEP*

My brother fell for it and left a funny message in response. My roommates’ mother fell for it more than once. I think a few of our friends fell for it too. We left it on for a long time :)

I loved phone pranks!

We had a different phone in our room then most rooms and the buttons allowed you to transfer calls without the caller ID looking like it came from you. So we would call our friends in the middle of the night, and keep calling them until they picked up their phone…when they did we would transfer them to the public safety office. Usually this ended up in our friend yelling at the campus police for waking them up.

My roommate still talks about the day I pranked our other roommate who was living alone on campus at the time. I called his room and left a lengthy message on his answering machine as “Officer Blackburn” but I slurred a little so it could have sounded like “Blackbird” -I was calling to let him know about some vandalism to his car and a few others on campus. The police had impounded his car temporary, but wanted him to know it was not stolen and he needed to come down to fill out a statement; I asked him to call campus police the moment he got home. You see, he had a job and he was working that afternoon after class -so seeing that he did not want to get written up at work, he called the campus police…they politely informed him that not only was there no officer “Blackburn” or “Blackbird” on staff, but that no cars had been vandalized nor had the local police been on campus to impound a car. In the words of my roommate, campus police got a good laugh out of it.

Don’t worry, my friends have gotten me back numerous times. From soaking my dorm mattress in water to notes from girls who wanted to go out with me -they’ve pranked me back. Some pranks are still unclaimed too! :)