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I just became a statistic

02.25.2005

babblingdweeb

My blog is void of thought

Like a few of my fellow bloggers, I have been on a mini break…work has been on overdrive for me this week. End of month and end of fiscal year information and decisions need to be made and for some reason my office thinks I have some input that is worth while. Awesome. Now if I just knew what “input” was. Things are busy, but I am happy to say that I am busy working on what I enjoy the most right now.

-=NERD ALERT=-
I am currently pricing out all new computer equipment for our office; I’m looking to roll-out an entire new infrastructure [backbone] that will allow our company to flex our creative muscle while (hopefully) allowing room for growth over a five year period. It has been a long time spent in planning for me. Between budget cuts and other setbacks it has been a reality I have been holding out for.

-=TANGENT ALERT=-
You see, my dream job is to start my own company where I help business rebuild themselves from the inside. Every business process, every step in the line, every bit that becomes a byte I want to make more efficient, effective and accurate. I want to expand my firm to employ people that help companies improve employee moral; help their company find their missing passion and make it their new drive.

I am not looking to be rich in terms currency, but rich in my heart. What measurable would that be then? Passionate, innovative, creative emotions. For me there is no greater wealth.

Why is this what I have been holding out for? Well it was almost time for me to look for a new job; to give up on this one. I hate giving up. That is one of my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses. This stepping stone of an experience was losing its stock value with every few months that passed. Not because of some missing computer equipment: because of missing drive. No job is perfect and in seeing that, no office is perfect either. Problems will always be barriers -only if you let them be. Our company has been letting the cruxes stay cruxes. Our issues became holes that swallowed our passions, our drive and our moral. The same story has been told before; just by a different view, by a different person at a different company.

I feel change is on the horizon and I will not be let down. Change is hard to accept for some. I am looking forward to it, and all of the struggles, lessons and improvements it will bring.

“Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.”
– King Whitney Jr.

While I am lacking in posting I am not lacking in my other [new] passion: reading. I have been trying to read and relax when I come home so as I don’t lose the “creative kick” I am on right now. I finished another book this week and I am half way through a new one. I had a few suggested short stories by a coworker that I will have to read and report back on. With every sentence I read I feel like I am relearning emotions through the eyes of others and seeing subjects in new lights, or just reaffirming old concepts.

“Everybody has the ability to free associate, but society tends to frown on active fantasies. Beyond a certain age, we stop playing games, ‘let’s pretend’, ‘what if,’ and all that. It goes on in your head anyway, but at some point you start to feel guilty. You know, you listen to a symphony and imagine that you’re the conductor, and there you are, conducting like crazy, but then you get to be a grown man, and you say, ‘Gee, I’d hate for anybody to know that I’m pretending I’m conducting the symphony.’ But that kind of fantasy life is the real key to problem solving at every level. It’s certainly the primary tool for problem solving in art, whether it’s painting or dancing or choreography or directing films or writing scripts or writing novels or whatever.” Creative problem solving is a form of innovative learning.
– Snipped from: On Becoming a Leader, The Leadership Classic; Updated and Expanded; By: Warren Bennis; pg.69; Comment from movie director Pollack

Tuesday night I read this paragraph and I felt at peace that it’s okay for me to dream the way I dream and pretend the way I pretend. My imagination is one thing I pray I will never lose and second on my list of “endless supply” possessions I want with me if I am ever trapped on a desert island. First on the list? My mind.

Porn, DVD, TV, electricity, Playboy Playmates, condoms, alcohol, clean water, food and books fighting out for the spots ranked third through tenth of course. I’m not that intellectual after all.

Enjoy the weekend!

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