Yesterday I published a collection of draft posts from my time in Uganda. Some of them had photos, some don’t. Some were finished, some weren’t. I just decided I was fine with publishing what I had digitally transcribed from my journal…even if some things were missing. It felt like a to do list that needed items crossed off.

I’ve had a few months to reflect on my travel time and I still struggle to explain it all -well I struggle to remain coherent when I talk about it. Mostly because I haven’t really spent my time reflecting in a productive way. I haven’t been spending my time in NY in a productive way either. I forgot the importance of writing and sorting out my thoughts. I’ll remember how important it is at times, but that doesn’t mean I end up writing…and that’s my problem.

I started blogging and journalling consistently five years ago out of fun, maybe an adventure of personal growth and just because I wanted to. Around that time I started writing small editorials about current events. They say if you want to get better at something, you just need to do that something. You need to do it over and over. Maybe after 10,000 hours you’ll become an expert too (Google it, I’m too lazy to link it). So I was blogging, journaling, editorializing and I was working. Work with all of the emails, memos and fun paperwork things that come with that. Anything else? Yup. I was also going back to school.

I saw a noticeable improvement in how fast I could turn around my work, be it for work, school, news or personal stories. Then, as life goes, I became distracted and started blogging less. I started writing fewer and fewer editorials. Eventually, I struggled getting assignments finished as work took over and my ability to turn my thoughts into action items faded away. I’ve been through quite a bit in the past two years, but I have said very little.

Flash-forward to my second year of grad school. The semester coming to an end. I can hardly write a casual one page response to what I am reading. I postpone my work. Every assignment makes me feel anxious. I have late papers from last semester. Late papers from this semester. I’ve fallen into a hole and it’s time to climb out. So why start blogging now?

Now more than ever, I need to write. Write about nothing. Write about everything. Short. Long. It doesn’t matter. If I am going to finish this stage in my journey, I need to write.

I want my voice back. This is step one.